Friday, August 5, 2011

Dear Hollywood, You suck.

I was getting ready for bed the other day when my boyfriend walks in and says "I have something I think you should know, but im kinda scared to tell you." Im thinking, oh great, cheating?  Drained the bank account?  "okaaaay . . . ." I say.  He makes me sit down, takes a deep breath and says "some dude is going to remake the Wizard of Oz... AND Yellow Submarine" and backs away from me quickly.

After I stopped throwing things and cussing everyone from MGM to this Zemeckis character and the vein stopped pulsing in my forehead, I ran to the Internet to look it up.  I was surprised (and relieved) to learn this was actually pretty old news and both projects were DEAD IN THE WATER (as they should be). 

I dont know if my heart can take much more of this crap, Hollywood.

Since you are obviously trying to keep the bottom line Hollywood,  I have a suggestion for you.  Instead of butchering classics and selling it as the greatest thing ever when you couldn't even come up with an original thought,  how about this:  Re-release whatever movie you are planning on mutilating to the big screen.  No casting budget, no costly computer animation, just re-release the original.  We don't have to sit through your hack job, you don't have to pay anyone, but you'll still turn a profit.  Everyone wins.

I dont care if your childhood dream was to re-direct Gone With the Wind in your own vision.  I dont care if the only reason you got into movies was to up the special effects in Oz.  If you want to do something good for society, re-release those great films that inspired you to the big screen.  Dont ruin them.

Can you imagine how different it would be if kids were flocking to see Philadelphia Story instead of Final Destination 107?  If they had the choice to go see The Snake Pit instead of Miley Cyrus? Cool Hand Luke instead of Cowboys and Aliens

 Since 99% of what comes to theaters is absolute crap anyway, why not just let the golden age carry you for a while so directors who actually care can get a leg up while all you big-money powerhouses stop taking up screen space with your junk that no one will remember in a year anyway?


  1. Actually, Since True Grit is one of my all time favorite movies, I didn't know what to expect with the re-make. I was surprised that I liked it. No John Wayne, but a good movie. I think if someone besides the Coens made it, I would have just passed, but in it's own right, a good movie. As for the rest of the remakes? I'll pass

  2. Thanks Mike! True Grit was less of a let down than most remakes, but I think for me thats because i love Josh Brolin, and I consider the Coen bros as the last original creative force for my generation. Still, wish they'd just keep their paws off the classics. :)